


Letting Go

by paranoiaXboi



Series: Letting Go [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Acceptance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Confusion, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Issues, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay, Growth, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Personal Growth, Realization, References to Depression, Resolution, Resolved Sexual Tension, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Suicide Attempt, i am completely in over my head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoiaXboi/pseuds/paranoiaXboi
Summary: Transitioning from a teenager to an adult is hard enough as it is, but when that journey comes with a pre-existing set of obstacles: it becomes a living hell.Eden Lockeheart already knew that the road in front of him was going to be difficult with the challenges that life had begun throwing at him for years, but when new ordeals begin showing up out of nowhere a year before he finally becomes an adult, he must learn to adapt before he gets overwhelmed.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Letting Go [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189217





	1. Prologue

The world moves so quickly that sometimes I forget that there are things you can learn from doing nothing.

Though if I’ve learned anything about myself, it’s that I can never stand still for too long.

Perhaps it just has to be this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who may be receiving this! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I've posted so far! I'm still relatively new to this but I'm sure I'll be able to learn the ropes as I continue stumbling through all this!  
> In the meantime, my plan is to just post whenever I feel like it (it will be weekly though! That's all I know).  
> If you really want to just read the whole work, I already have the entire thing posted on WattPad, just look up @paranoiaXboi.  
> Also hit me up on my socials if you want! I'm usually an awkward and anxious mess, but I can keep it together sometimes. My Twitter is @paranoiaXboi and my Tumblr is paranoiaXb0i.


	2. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertainty, premonition, confusion, escapism

“Eden, are you still with us?”

The stern voice of Ms. Diamandis, along with the feeling of multiple eyes staring into my back, was enough to coerce me to wake up from my little daydream.

“Oh…yeah, uh…I just spaced out for a second,” I quickly said.

She continued to stare at me with a blank face for a second, though I think the emptiness of her expression was more terrifying than any scary face she could pull. Eventually, she did go back to the tangent she was going on about, not before subtly shaking her head.

I let out a quiet sigh. Whenever I was in public situations, I always tried to do as little as possible to avoid attracting any attention; but it seemed like no matter what I did, I would always end up in a situation where everyone noticed me.

Life certainly had a very dark sense of humor.

My train of thought was interrupted when I felt something hit the back of my head. I glanced behind me to see a cheeky grin shot back at me. I didn’t even have time to think of any way to respond before Ms. Diamandis signaled everyone to draw their attention to her.

“Alright, that’s all we’re doing today,” she announced.

A sense of relief washed over me as I saw everyone around me getting out of their seats. I opened up my bag and began stuffing all of my material in at a fast pace, eager to get out. By the time I finished, the room was close to empty; I was just about to exit when a voice pulled me back.

“Can you stay a few minutes after class today, Eden?” Ms. Diamandis requested.

_Wait, what?_

“Uh...”

The daunting yet somehow reassuring stare of Ms. Diamandis came dressed in a simple black, sleeveless dress. Oh, and also a sleek ponytail to keep all her jet-black hair in place. Every garment on her was part of the same outfit that she wore virtually every day.

One day she came to school in a dress that was in a different color scheme, half the class thought they had lost their mind.

I started to try scanning my mind for any possible lies that could help me get out of this situation. I ended up coming up with 70 different ways to say that I had something important that I needed to do, but they all somehow sounded slightly off.

I was falling deeper and deeper into madness when I felt an arm swing around my shoulder.

“I don’t mean to interrupt Ms. Diamandis, but Eden and I actually have something planned after school today, so I’m afraid I’m gonna have to steal him.”

A frown appeared on Ms. Diamandis’ face, she seemed a little skeptical of the admittedly badly phrased excuse. But it also seemed like she wasn’t in the mood to stir anything up because her expression eventually softened, she waved her hand dismissively.

“I’ll let you go this time then,” she stated. “I’ll make sure to get in contact with you soon though.”

“Alright…I think?”

I barely had enough time to finish my response before I felt myself being practically dragged out of the room. Once we were in the clear, I turned to see the same cheeky grin, only this time it was practically shoved in my face.

“Wipe that smug look off your face Feron,” I snorted. “You’re almost making me wish that I stayed in there.”

He chuckled while also keeping his pace up with mine. The grip he had on me remained, in fact, it seemed to have tightened since we got out of the room.

“Right, like you’d actually prefer being trapped in a classroom over anything,” he remarked. “You’ve got to give me some credit.”

If I wanted to try to avoid attention, Feron Veranium probably would’ve been the _last_ person I ever wanted as my friend. Yet he still ended up becoming one of my closest friends, I’m still trying to figure out how the whole thing happened.

Considering the environment we were both in, diversity in any sense was rather wide. But for someone with a personality like mine, all it meant was that the people that I put an effort towards ignoring looked vastly different.

Speaking of appearances, we looked like we may as well have come from two different planets. Besides the _obvious_ trait that made our differences clear, him being Black and me being Asian, there were also several other factors that set him far apart from me.

For one, he had an athlete’s build, not like the rather in the middle of buff and scrawny look I had going on. His fashion sense was...existent? That was one way to describe it, considering he mostly always stuck to the exact same outfit, the only differences between them being colors. Just add a simple one colored t-shirt, a dull colored hoodie, a pair of jeans, and a set of running shoes: that was his usual getup.

And I just need to bring up _his hair_ …it somehow found a way to defy the laws of gravity. But with what I have going on, I think this may be the only physical factor that we are similar in.

If I had gotten a list of the attributes that we both had when we first met, I probably would’ve guessed that we’d end up being friends for two days, maaaaybe a week _at most_.

In reality, that week turned out more to be like a decade.

“Alright, I’ll give you credit…” I started. “…you’re really good bait.”

His cheeks immediately sulked inwards, “you’re really mean you know that?”

“Really? I had absolutely no clue,” I responded, feigning ignorance.

I hadn’t even noticed that Feron had let go of me until I felt him shoving me away from him. If I was dumb, I probably would have read the action as aggressive, but it wasn’t like I had only been pretending to be his friend for the past ten years.

“And you actually have the audacity to call yourself my friend,” he smirked.

“Yeah I love you too.”

Our small talk slowly died down as time passed, we soon fell into a comfortable silence. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I had stopped processing anything that was going on around me.

It was almost like walking in a dream, it felt like I had lost control of something.

“So, what do you think Ms. Diamandis wanted with you?” Feron suddenly asked.

The thought had not even crossed my mind since we began walking. In fact, I think I had been too distracted to even focus on anything other than Feron since then.

I shrugged, “honestly, I don’t have any ideas,” I admitted. “Maybe my performance in the class is starting to fall?”

Feron let out an abrupt laugh, “please, you’re the last person that I would think of when it comes to possibly failing English,” he commented. “As far as I’m concerned, you already have a career planned out.”

If he had asked me a few years back, I would’ve probably answered “yes” right away.

But a lot had changed since then.

“I... don’t know.”

“Come on, Eden,” Feron persisted. “I’ve stuck it out with you for years already. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your eyes light up quite the way it does as when you’re writing.”

“I get what you’re saying but...is this something I can really survive off of?” I questioned. “I’m all about going after what I want, but I’d rather not starve in order to do it.”

“You have to stop thinking about all that technical bullshit and just focus on what you want,” Feron’s tone seemed noticeably more serious now.

I let out a breath, my eyes trailed everywhere.

Everywhere but at Feron.

I eventually settled on the sky.

“Wow, it’s starting to get really hot,” I attempted to change the subject. “I’m probably just gonna end up getting more tan again.”

Feron chuckled, “that’s the last of my problems.”

His exposed velvet chocolate skin glistened bright in the sun. I would be lying if I said that my eyes didn’t unconsciously wander a little, not long enough for my mind to come up with any false conceptions though.

That was something that I had taught myself not to do.

“Are you even planning on going home?” I suddenly asked.

“Trying to get rid of me?”

The realization of how poorly my question had been worded hit me.

“No! I just...I wasn’t meaning to insinuate…shit.”

“Relax, I’m just fucking with you,” he assured. “We’re already pretty close to your place anyways, so I’ll just walk you back the rest of the way.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“We’ve walked back to your place together for years by now, Eden,” he reminded me. “And half of those times resulted in me staying over.”

“If you say so...”

I gave in after that point. For some reason, something just seemed off; while what he said about walking me back was true, I felt strange having him doing it that day. We spent the last ten minutes of walking with more small talk, and before either of us knew it, we had already arrived.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you soon alright?” I said.

Feron shot me a smile, “yeah, see you soon.”

I turned around and was about to walk into my house when he suddenly stopped me.

“Just...think about what I said,” he reminded.

Then he walked away without even waiting for a response.

“I wish I could just give you a direct answer,” I murmured under my breath.

~

I threw myself onto my bed.

Letting out a loud groan, I was tempted to fall asleep right on the spot, but I knew that it would just end up screwing me over in the long run: I would most likely wake up near midnight and then stay up till four, then my nonexistent schedule would get fucked up.

Luckily, before I even had the opportunity to start drifting, I heard the doorbell ring. I got myself off my ass and headed for the living room. Of course, I had absolutely no idea who could possibly be at the door. Usually there were only two people who ever knocked my door.

Opening the door, a heaping pile of paper bags was shoved right into my face, I didn’t even need to see anymore to know who it was.

“Afraid I wasn’t going to be able to take care of myself again tonight, Laneia?” I asked sarcastically.

“Considering I caught you eating paper only a couple of days ago, I would mark that observation down as accurate,” the voice from behind the bags spoke.

“I was eating a fortune cookie!”

The bags shifted a little, revealing the top half of a face that I had seen way too often.

I mean that in the best way possible.

I took some of the weight off Laneia and proceeded back into the house, she trailed closely behind me, somehow managing to remove her shoes even with her hands full. Both of us carefully set the mountain of, what I presumed, food on the table. I quickly went back to shut the door before joining her again at the table.

Laneia Na’Verna, besides having the most ridiculous (not to mention coolest) sounding name in this galaxy and probably the next one too, was the best thing that ever happened to me.

The friendship her and I have held a special place in my heart, mostly because she was literally the first friend I made...more specifically, she was the first person that ever bothered to talk to me.

We had met a while before I befriended Feron, I was already seen as an outsider by that time. Most of the kids never wanted to come within five meters of me, so any free time I ever had was mostly always spent in solitude.

Then one day, this beautiful girl just suddenly approached me. She didn’t interrogate me or treat me like I was somehow inferior, instead she just sat down and started talking to me like I was anyone else.

Ever since then, her consistent wardrobe was also something I grew to like, I don’t think I could bear to use the word love in this case. She always liked wearing gender neutral clothing, getting her to wear anything remotely feminine was the closest thing to torture in her mind.

Her hair probably would look great...if she bothered fixing it. I think the last time she even touched it was 1901. Laneia insisted that she preferred the messy look anyways, says it sets her apart from the rest of the crowd.

Despite her questionable choices when it comes to appearance, we’d been inseparable, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“I know you’re worried that I’m somehow gonna starve in a building that’s surrounded by cheap convenience stores, but you don’t need to bother coming over every week to bring me dinner,” I reassured her.

She had already begun work on finishing up whatever recipe she had brought over, the sounds of the stove tops practically drowned out everything else.

“Just pretend I’m the babysitter that your parents hired after going on a trip that they never planned on returning from,” she joked.

The joke probably would’ve made me laugh if she hadn’t mentioned some very _special_ people in it. I suddenly grew quiet, which Laneia picked up on in no time; she quickly turned around from where she was working, there was a sorrowful look on her face.

“Shit, I’m sorry Eden, I shouldn’t have brought them up,” Laneia quickly apologized. “I know that kind of wound can never really heal and I- “

“It’s fine,” I quickly stopped her before she could stumble any further. “They chose to leave…besides, everything turned out fine in the end anyways.”

Laneia pursed her lips, “did it?”

I sat there motionless, not a word left my mouth after that. Laneia wasted no time in getting back to work. It was only after a few minutes had passed, that the absence of the chaotic sounds from the kitchen was able to wake me back up.

I looked up just in time to see Laneia pushing a bowl in front of me.

“You should probably eat before your skeletal outlines become even more noticeable,” her eyes were looking my waistline.

I snorted before reaching out and moved the bowl closer, so it was within my reach, Laneia sat down right across from me. Instead of doing anything, I kept staring at my bowl, only taking little bites every few minutes.

I should have known that Laneia would eventually say something.

“Alright Eden, tell me what’s going on before I throw this bowl of food in your face out of frustration.”

A sigh escaped my mouth, “I wonder if things could have gone differently if I had never said those things all those years ago,” I suddenly blurted out.

I was fully aware that what I said was only a partial sentence, and most likely didn’t make any sense to a person who was not at all involved in my personal life.

But I didn’t care.

Laneia just sighed, “this again?”

There were so many thoughts dancing around in my head that I actually forgot for a moment that Laneia was actually one of the few people who knew what was going on in my life...well, actually, besides Feron and one other person, she was the only other person on this planet who knew what was going on.

“Even though I know that what I’m about to say isn’t going to mean shit, I’m gonna say it just because I need to,” she stared at me dead in my eyes. “Continuously living in the past and thinking of what could’ve happened is never going to help you in any way.”

“Well, I wish it could be as easy as you make it out to be,” I replied.

She glanced down at her plate of food, I could already sense a change in subject coming, “have you been taking your meds recently?”

I nodded in response; her expression remained unchanged.

“I shouldn’t have expected anything less,” her tone seemed almost aggressive. “Seeing as you were always the type to stick tightly to the guidelines.”

My face contorted into a frown, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Eden, I know that technically what I say can’t compare to what a certified professional says, but I’m speaking to you as your best friend: those meds aren’t helping you,” Laneia stated. “Besides, let’s remember the fact that you aren’t even receiving them directly from a psychiatrist. You’re getting them from your social worker who gets them from who knows who!”

“Yeah, but you’re forgetting that I don’t have much of a choice,” I reminded her. “Even Ms. Carey doesn’t really like the sound of what we’re resorting to. But this is all we have right now.”

“Your social worker isn’t the one living your life, she isn’t the one making decisions that can possibly change your life for better or worse.”

My words may have made it seem like I was opposing everything she said, but the truth was that deep down, there was some part of me that agreed with what Laneia said.

However, I knew there were some aspects in my life where I could only use logic to get by. I slowly felt her words getting drowned out by the sea of thoughts that was occupying every corner of my mind.

“Eden! Eden are you listening to me? Feron- “

I had just recovered when I heard my phone ringing. Both our eyes turned towards the source of the sound. I took a glance at Laneia, she motioned with her head for me to go answer it.

Walking over to where my phone was sitting, I picked it up and looked at the screen.

There was no caller ID, and it was a number that I had never seen.

I frowned before answering the call, “uh, hello?”

“Eden? This is Ms. Diamandis.”

My face must have made a strange expression, because Laneia was giving me some weird looks.

“Is this regarding what you wanted to talk to me about after class today?” I asked.

“Yes, it is, I’m glad you remembered,” she said. “There’s any opportunity that’s come up recently and I thought it would be a good idea to let you know about it.”

The last part managed to catch my attention, “I’m listening.”

“Well, it should come as no surprise that you are one of the reigning students in my class,” Ms. Diamandis brought up. “A week ago, an offer from a writing program came to our attention, they asked us to submit a few pieces from some students that we thought had potential in this area of work.”

I was beginning to see where this was going, “...and?”

“I asked a few people that I had in mind whether they would be willing to participate,” she continued. “However, I’m already aware of how you don’t like getting involved in things like this: so, I slipped in one of your pieces without saying anything.”

As it turned out, I only _thought_ I knew where this was going.

“Um...Okay...I don’t really know what to say...or feel…”

_Slightly violated, maybe?_

“To be honest, I wasn’t planning on telling you since I knew you might ask me to withdraw your piece,” Ms. Diamandis explained. “But I already felt bad enough going behind your back; besides, this should be your decision to make.”

The idea of having to make a decision – that seemed rather monumental no less – on the spot easily created a weighted feeling in my heart. I slowly glanced back at Laneia, the confused look that she was giving me before was still there.

_Your future is something only you can shape._

“I appreciate the thought Ms. Diamandis, it seems like a really great opportunity,” I sighed. “But...I think it would be best if I stepped out of this one.”

“I see,” there was definitely a lot of disappointment in Ms. Diamandis’ voice, “I’ll make the proper arrangements to withdraw your piece.”

“Thank you, Ms. Diamandis...maybe next time,” I stated.

“I understand Eden, there’s no need to explain yourself,” she assured. “If you change your mind anytime within the next month, let me know. The initial submissions might’ve been due days ago, but I’m sure exceptions can be made.”

“I’ll think about it.”

She spent a few more minutes filling in some of the gaps about the submissions. Even though she said that it was okay that I withdrew, I knew from her voice alone that she really wanted me to partake in this. There was probably some part of her that hoped that she could convince me to change my mind before I hung up the phone.

But in the end, even though there was something deep _deep_ in me that was telling me to go for it, I decided to go with my gut instinct and hold back for now. I still had another month to contemplate what I wanted to do anyways.

Once I got off the phone with Ms. Diamandis, I could tell that Laneia was close to reaching her limit for the day.

“Sorry, just had to take care of some complications,” I apologized.

“That seems obvious enough,” Laneia responded. “So, do I even want to know?”

“With everything that we’d been discussing prior to that phone call...I think it would be best if we lay off from this topic. At least for now.”

Laneia sighed, I was surprised that she had managed to stick by me for so long without having a meltdown.

“Speaking of which: I think you brought up something about Feron before I had to interrupt you?” I reminded.

“What? You haven’t figured it out yet?” I looked at her even more confused than I was before, she rolled her eyes. “God, Eden, it’s been what? Like 10 years or whatever by now? You’re seriously telling me that- “

Before Laneia even bothered finishing her sentence, she suddenly just shook her head and walked past me. Turning around, I found her gathering up her stuff off the couch.

“Forget it, with what’s going on right now, telling you this will just push you over the edge,” she stated.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I agreed. “But just tell me: is what you’re trying to tell me as important as how you’re making it out to be?”

“Is water wet?”

“I can take a hint.”

Laneia proceeded to the front door which was somewhere behind me. I expected to hear the door slam shut right away, but then I heard her let out a sound.

“Just so I won’t have to see your ass kicked again: remember that you have an appointment with Ms. Carey tomorrow,” she reminded.

“Shit, I almost forgot,” I realized.

A small grin slowly found its way onto her face, “what would you do without me?”

“Don’t get so cocky Ms. Na’Verna,” I smirked. “You still haven’t managed to make up for the amount of times I saved your ass in the past.”

I expected her to comeback at me with some other cheeky comment. But instead, her expression slowly softened, until her smirk turned into a smile, “hey, don’t forget to take care of yourself okay?”

Typical Laneia, never able to pull off a sarcastic comment without saying something serious afterwards.

“Yeah, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who may be receiving this! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I've posted so far! I'm still relatively new to this but I'm sure I'll be able to learn the ropes as I continue stumbling through all this!  
> In the meantime, my plan is to just post whenever I feel like it (it will be weekly though! That's all I know).  
> If you really want to just read the whole work, I already have the entire thing posted on WattPad, just look up @paranoiaXboi.  
> Also hit me up on my socials if you want! I'm usually an awkward and anxious mess, but I can keep it together sometimes. My Twitter is @paranoiaXboi and my Tumblr is paranoiaXb0i.


	3. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertainty, anxious, irritation, confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I know I said in my original end notes that I would be posting once a week (which would've been Tuesday) but I decided that arrangement was too confining, so I'm just gonna post whenever I feel like it (which should be at least once a week, but perhaps I'll consider posting multiple times a week as well).  
> I'm still trying to figure my way out here so we'll see what happens!  
> Lastly, thank you to the people who clicked on this story, the numbers were not that high but I'm still thankful for anyone who took the time to stop by!

“I need you to stay with me for just a few more minutes, alright?”

I nodded, there wasn’t any effort being put into trying to look immersed or even attentive.

But honestly, after a long day at school and then having to meet with a social worker (that I was pretty sure wanted to strangle me at that point): I don’t think anyone would’ve found a way to look peachy.

“I’m trying,” I answered honestly.

Ms. Carey sighed before scribbling down something on her clipboard. I prayed to god that it wasn’t anything incredibly negative. Even though my attitude around her was off putting almost all the time, my welfare checks were coming from her, so it was probably in my best interests _not_ to piss her off.

“How are you doing right now?” She asked. “Are you making an effort to find a way to get stable income?”

“Trying to.”

“Do you have enough money to support yourself right now? With the money you’re earning combined with the checks?”

I shrugged, “pretty much.”

Anytime I had to pay rent or anything along those lines, I would always end up getting deprived of everything except for a few bucks...if I was lucky.

So far, I had been considerably fortunate with all my run-ins, but I couldn’t help but think when my luck was going to run out.

“You only have little over a year before you’re finished with school, do you think you’ll be able to hang on until then?” She asked.

“I’ll survive.”

“And have you begun thinking about what you’re going to be doing once you’re out?”

My line of quick answers came to a halt.

“I... have some ideas about what I want to do,” I claimed. “But my remaining long-distance family keeps pressuring me to pursue something that’ll earn me more money. They’re scared that since I don’t have any backup, that I could end up in a financial crisis.”

“And they aren’t completely wrong either,” Ms. Carey reminded. “You don’t have the luxury of making too many mistakes. Seeing as you no longer have your parents acting as your safety net, and the fact that the rest of your extended family are all miles away from you.”

The comment about my parents hurt me more than it should, but I didn’t want to go through the trouble of starting a scene.

“Have you been regularly taking your meds?” Her line of question continued.

“…yeah.”

Even though she was speaking to me, it was obvious that her attention was clearly drifting outside of this conversation, seeing as her face was buried in her tiny little clipboard. What on that clipboard was so goddamn interesting anywho?

“I understand that my methods of getting your medication may cause some suspicion, but I need to reiterate that this is vital to finding a way to get you out of your current situation,” Ms. Carey explained. “Because of what’s going on in your life right now, it’s difficult to find a way do this in a more conventional way. Until we can get you stabilized, we’re going to have to deal with the problem this way. Is that alright with you?”

I nodded my head, not like I had that much of a choice anyway.

She wasn’t exactly wrong about me possibly feeling suspicious about her methods when it came to getting my meds: because I was _definitely_ suspicious.

But at the same time, I didn’t want to deal with the possible repercussions of stopping that routine.

“Other than that, I don’t have anything else for you today,” she concluded. “Do you have any questions?”

“No, I’m good,” I got up from my chair and began gathering my things, “I’ll see you next week.”

She waved bye to me as I began making my way out of the office, it was a rather small one filled with narrow pathways, or maybe that was because half of the available space was taken up by other clients.

When I got out of the building, the sun had almost faded out from the sky completely. I never liked getting home when it was already nighttime, even though it was pretty much inevitable on days like these.

Maybe it was just me; but in my mind, getting home late was like allowing a day of possibilities to just slip away from my grasp.

As I began making my way back home, I started unconsciously pondering the question that was just presented to me: _have you begun thinking about what you’re going to be doing once you’re out?_

Did I know what I was going to be doing? Of course, I knew. I already knew before I even turned 10 what I wanted to do: become a writer.

Even though I always degraded my own writing in front of both Laneia and Feron, they knew that this was the only thing I wanted to do until I died. When both my parents were both still a part of my life, they were very supportive of my aspirations, so naturally the rest of my family also followed in their direction.

But once they disappeared, everything changed.

Although I had no family members living near me, they had ways of monitoring my status.

And they all got to see firsthand how much I was struggling.

That was when they went from supportive to overbearing.

They didn’t want me to pursue a path that most likely wouldn’t earn me that much, they wanted me to get a job that would ensure that I could eat every day. I knew they meant well, but with everything that was going on at that time, it was just really bad timing.

Honestly, in that entire time period, my focus was nowhere near what I was possibly going to do once I became an adult. The only thing I was thinking about day and night was why my parents left me all of a sudden. Being left with no answers when it came to something so important such as that naturally left me feeling more than a little empty inside.

Once they didn’t return for a while, I kinda just had to accept that they weren’t going to come back.

But even then, I couldn’t let go of the whole thing.

I became so lost in my own thoughts, that I didn’t even register the fact that I was already home until my head slammed into the front door.

“Fuck...well, that was a nice wake up call,” I let out a bitter chuckle.

Retrieving my key, I let myself in. The house was pitch black, since I was smart enough not to leave any lights on when I left the house. I tossed my belongings onto the couch and then tossed myself onto my bed. I was tempted to just skip a shower and even brushing my teeth, and just get to bed right away.

I couldn’t even make a decision before I heard my phone ring.

Letting out a semi-frustrated grunt, I carelessly reached around the space above my head until I felt my hands wrap around it. I didn’t bother looking at the caller ID before picking it up.

“Hello?” My voice was so coarse that whoever it was probably thought I was dying.

“Hey...Eden are you alright?”

As if by reflex, I quickly sat up on my bed, “Feron...I’m good.”

I heard him let out a laugh from the other side, “don’t try to bullshit me, you sound like a dying man right now.”

See? What did I say?

“Yeah, well, getting drowned in a pile of boring paperwork at school and then getting drilled by a social worker would probably kill anyone,” I sarcastically retorted.

“Sounds like a rough day, do you wanna just go to sleep then?” Feron offered.

Sleep sounded great right now. In fact, on any other day, I probably would’ve accepted the offer right away, no questions asked.

But for some reason, today I wanted to keep talking to him.

“Actually, I’d be open to talking for a little longer,” I answered.

“Wow this is new,” Feron chuckled. “Normally you would’ve already hung up on me by now.”

I couldn’t help but snicker at the accurate portrayal of how I usually was, but I was honestly surprised at my own willingness to talk to another human being while virtually slipping into a coma.

“I guess maybe since I didn’t get that much of a chance to talk to you yesterday that this is kind of my way of making up for that,” I reasoned.

Feron let out an even bigger laugh than before, “you really haven’t changed at all, haven’t you?” He commented. “You’re a really meticulous person, you know right?”

“Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?”

There was a short pause, “why can’t it be both?”

I suddenly felt my heart drop.

I’m not sure if I was reading too far into it...but it was almost like Feron had intentionally lowered his voice.

“...hello? Earth to Eden?”

I quickly woke myself up, “y-yeah? I’m still here.”

“You okay? You suddenly went silent on me for a while.”

“I’m fine, I just sort of spaced out for a second,” I half lied.

“If you say so,” he definitely sounded unconvinced. “Hey, are you doing anything after school tomorrow?”

“Nothing, why the sudden question?”

“I was wondering if I could come over for a while,” he said. “You did bring up the conversation we had yesterday, and I did mention coming over to your place...which I haven’t done for a while.”

“Yeah...sure, okay.”

There seemed to almost be some invisible force that was making it hard for me to get that answer out of my mouth.

“Cool! I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Feron said, I could practically hear him smiling through his voice. “And make sure to get a goodnight’s sleep too alright? I don’t want to have to talk to a sleep deprived person tomorrow.”

“You know you love me anyways,” I teased.

“Careful there.”

“...what?”

Feron had already hung up.

I was left to my own thoughts, there was a lot to think about. For one, I didn’t know what to make of Feron’s recent weird behavior. I tried searching for a reasonable answer, but I couldn’t find any.

As I was scouring through my own thoughts, Laneia’s voice suddenly materialized out of nowhere.

_What? You haven’t figured it out yet?_

Thinking back, she never finished her thought. I had a feeling that whatever she was going to say would’ve connected to my confusion right now. But I would just have to wait until I could steal a moment alone with her to ask her again.

I opened my phone again and set my alarm for tomorrow.

7:40 AM.

Because I’m a _really_ meticulous person.

~

_Ugh, here we go again._

_“Long time no see, my friend,” a familiar voice beckoned to me._

_“It’s literally been less than a day since I’ve seen you,” I replied in a cold manner. “And we are far from friends.”_

_He gave me a pity pout. Not the kind a child would give when their parents wouldn’t cooperate with one of their requests, but rather one someone would give to their significant other with the intent of teasing them._

_But in this case, the only thing his ridiculous expression managed to do was piss me off more than I already was._

_“Come on, that’s no way to talk to someone who’s trying to help you out here,” he persuaded. “My ways may be harsh and seem wrong. But you have to remember that we’re on the same side here.”_

_I grunted and turned my back against him, not even bothering to use words to give him an answer. That didn’t seem to stop or even slow him though, I could hear his obnoxious laughter reverberating through my ears._

_“There’s a lot to worry about in the coming weeks isn’t there? Better to start panicking now before your issues overwhelm you,” he taunted._

_That was enough, I spun around, ready to pounce on him. But the moment I turned, he hopped back out of my reach._

_“But you’re not gonna let those problems get to you, aren’t you?” He continued. “You’re just gonna use your anger and allow it to take away all the pain that’s chipping away at your sanity: like you always do. Wouldn’t it be better for you to just go ask for help from one of your friends already?”_

_“That’s out of the question,” I immediately retorted. “I’m not going to- “_

_“...drag someone into the situation, right?” He finished my sentence before I could. “Those are the words that always come out of your mouth. In reality, you’re just worried that you’ll be bothering people or that you’ll be a burden on them. It’s almost tragic.”_

_I remained still where I was standing. As I did, he began to circle around me. It got to a point where it was almost like his image was being blurred in my eyes._

_“That’s not the point...not entirely,” I tried to fight back but my doubt easily cut through my voice._

_“I’m sure Laneia would not mind helping you one bit. She’s been your best friend for years by now after all,” he went on. “Of course, you could always ask Feron- “_

_The moment he mentioned Feron’s name, it was almost as if an animalistic instinct suddenly emerged out of nowhere within me. I went for him, only for him to fall out of my reach again._

_It always seemed like he was one step ahead of me for some reason._

_“Ohhhh touchy, are we? It seemed like I just hit a sweet spot,” he was enjoying this too much. “Perhaps it’s your stubbornness that’s preventing you to unveil your true emotions. You would think that after being on this earth for over a decade that you would be comfortable in your own skin. But you aren’t.”_

_“That is not true! I am completely comfortable in being who I am! And if anyone tries to change that fact the obstacle- “_

_“...will just make me stronger.”_

_The anger I had built up to muster up all that power died within seconds._

_“You never change, don’t you?” He snorted. “Stop living in this fantasy where you keep trying to convince yourself that as long as you numb yourself to everything around you, that it will help you get through life.”_

_I felt helpless, and that was a feeling I absolutely despised._

_“I will get through this life,” I promised. “Watch me.”_

_“Let’s hope you live long enough to do so.”_

I shot up from my bed, droplets of cold sweat ran down the back of my neck.

Leaning forward, I buried my face in my hands.

_I will get through this life._

_Watch me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who may be receiving this! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I've posted so far! I'm still relatively new to this but I'm sure I'll be able to learn the ropes as I continue stumbling through all this!  
> In the meantime, my plan is to just post whenever I feel like it (it will be weekly though! That's all I know).  
> If you really want to just read the whole work, I already have the entire thing posted on WattPad, just look up @paranoiaXboi.  
> Also hit me up on my socials if you want! I'm usually an awkward and anxious mess, but I can keep it together sometimes. My Twitter is @paranoiaXboi and my Tumblr is paranoiaXb0i.


	4. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertainty, confusion, escapism, relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, like I said I'm just posting whenever I feel like it and I felt like doing one today. Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read whatever I've posted so far, I really mean it when I say that every person who gives my story a look means a lot!  
> At the moment, this book is all I have on my plans for now but I don't know what the future holds, so we'll see!

“Yo, Eden, are you still there?”

My mind didn’t even register the hand waving in front of my face until it passed by my eyes for probably the 74th time. I quickly woke myself up, for a moment, I forgot where I was.

“Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot lately,” Feron’s voice was filled with concern.

“Uh...yeah? I think,” I was still trying to sort out my thoughts myself. “My sleeping schedule has been a little fucked up lately, that’s probably why.”

He sighed before focusing his attention back to his notebook.

The both of us were lounging on my bed, trying to finish our work. But four hours in and we hadn’t even managed to get half of it done, not that I expected anything more anyways.

“You really have to start taking better care of yourself,” he said. “I’ve already told you about what happened to some of my family members that took their lives for granted. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

Feron had told me a few years back about some of the turbulent issues that had plagued his household, he shared more than a few colorful stories about relatives that didn’t look out for themselves.

The stories obviously never had a happy ending.

Come to think of it, I don’t think they even had a happy start.

“I promise I’ll try my best to take better care of myself,” I replied. “Thanks for looking out for me though.”

His serious expression only held for a few more seconds before the smallest crack of a smile appeared at the edge of his lips.

“Well if I wasn’t here, then Laneia would’ve probably had a meltdown by now,” he joked lightly. “Besides, looking back at some things that happened, I think it’s safe to say that you need me.”

I felt my serious expression drop the moment he finished his thought.

“Uh, excuse me?” I purposefully replied with an overly dramatic tone.

“Remember back when we were still kids?” Feron reminded me. “Hell, you couldn’t even get past a week without my help.”

Taking the tip of my pencil, I used the end with the eraser and poked him in the forehead, eliciting a small squeal out of him.

“You may have saved my life a couple dozen times but that doesn’t give you permission to be all cocky about it,” I could barely say the entire sentence without laughing. “But I guess you’re somewhat useful to have around.”

He shrugged, that smug smile of his was still on his face, “that’s a start.”

Both of us entered back into a state of concentration. But while doing my work, I was still so focused on several other situations that I just began scribbling down nonsense.

“Oh yeah, last time we spoke, I brought up your writing,” Feron suddenly reminded. “Have you been writing anything recently?”

“Yeah, actually let me show you,” I offered.

Reaching below my bed, I retrieved my bag. Opening it up, I began rifling through my ridiculously messy inventory, in search for my notebook.

A minute passed with no success.

_No, that makes sense, with how messy my bag is_.

Three minutes passed, still with nothing.

_Okay, now I’m sorta starting to get worried_.

Five-minute mark…still nothing.

_Where the fuck is that piece of shit?_

“Where the hell is it?” I murmured to myself.

“What’s wrong?” Feron asked.

I eventually gave up and tossed my bag onto the floor, “my notebook isn’t in my bag.”

“When was the last time you saw it?”

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

“Point taken.”

I began to slowly cycle through the possible places my notebook could possibly be in. As my thoughts slowly collected themselves, l was promptly cut off when I heard my phone ringing. I stretched across my bed and grabbed my phone off my desk.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Laneia.”

I was almost about to greet her, but her voice cut in before I could even get another word out.

“Your clumsy ass left your fucking notebook behind, but you can thank me for holding onto it for you,” she revealed...rather harshly, but still.

“Oh! I... thanks a lot!” my voice lightened up in response to the news.

“When do you think you can come get it?”

“Hmmm, maybe tomorrow?”

“Sweet, then come over to my house to retrieve your precious alright?”

I groaned, “way to pull out your movie references nerd.”

“I didn’t even watch that movie you dork,” she immediately retorted. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When I put my phone down, Feron’s smug expression had found its way back onto his face again, “let me guess: did Laneia just save your life again?”

“Pretty much, if you consider finding a notebook as such, why?”

“You really do need us, don’t you?”

Aaaand I walked right into his trap.

My only way of retorting that comment was by tearing a piece of my eraser off and throwing it at his head. Too bad for him, my aim was flawless. It pecked him right in the forehead, causing him to flinch a little.

“What was that for?” He asked, although his face showed that he clearly knew the answer.

“You’re right you know? I really do need the both of you.”

His expression seemed to get even more smug, if that was possible.

“Who else would I harass if it weren’t for the both of you?”

It only took him a second to process what I had just said. Before I knew it, he had pounced and was hovering over me before I could realize it.

“You better watch what you say,” he warned playfully. “I could devour you in seconds if I wanted to.”

“I’m too cute, you wouldn’t be able to do it,” I quickly came back.

We went back and forth like that for who even knows how long. He did eventually get off me, which allowed me to finally sit back up. It was around then that we began taking notice of the time, there was no way that we would be getting anymore work done.

“I guess I should start heading back home,” Feron announced.

I sat back on my bed and watched him begin to gather his materials. I was about to just let him go, but then an idea suddenly sprung into my head.

“Why don’t you just stay over tonight?” I suggested. “It’s already pretty late anyways.”

Feron seemed a little surprised by the request, it was understandable though. He hadn’t stayed over my place since we were kids.

“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” He questioned.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

“Well...sure then. I haven’t stayed over for years,” he pointed out. “Can you remind me where I can grab a mattress or something?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, “Feron, you always slept in my bed when you stayed over,” I reminded him.

He scratched the back of his head when I reminded him, he seemed a little apprehensive.

“Yeah but that was when we were still kids though,” he looked a little nervous even. “Doing that sort of thing now...don’t you think that’s a little gay?”

For some reason, when he used that word to describe the situation, it was almost nearly equivalent to it someone took a glass shard and pierced it through my heart. Which was a little strange, considering how other boys using that word on a daily basis didn’t seem to have any effect on me.

“You were the one that was threatening to ‘devour’ me a few minutes ago, weren’t you?” I brought up.

“True,” Feron admitted.

“Unless you’d rather sleep on a mattress that could probably pass for a decaying wooden plank at this point, the other side of my bed is still open.”

There were no more oppositions coming from him. He walked over to the opposite side of where I was laying and climbed in next to me. Once he was on, he positioned himself so he was facing me, his head rested comfortably on his arm.

“It feels like ages since we’ve done this,” he remarked.

“That’s because it has been ages.”

“Hey, I can’t think straight late at night,” he smiled.

I turned around and switched off all the lights in the room, except for one tiny one only a few feet away. Once the room was dark, I laid down.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

At first, I just laid there, my eyes stayed fixated on him.

I couldn’t but smile a bit.

“Goodnight.”

~

_God, my head hurts._

My eyes struggled to open all the way as I tried my best to fight off the last of my fatigue. It didn’t matter much since they slammed shut right when a glimpse of the sunlight entered my vision.

Part of me was tempted to just go right back to sleep. But another part of me knew that I would mostly likely end up sleeping for the rest of the day if I did do that.

Though, considering it was technically a weekend, it wasn’t like I had much to do anyways, other than the small goals I set for myself which were all done for my own personal satisfaction.

It was only then that my mind suddenly reminded me of something that I should have considered my highest priority.

_Your clumsy ass left your fucking notebook behind, but you can thank me for holding onto it for you._

Although I did admittedly turn down Ms. Diamandis’ offer to turn in my work to whatever she was rambling on about, it didn’t mean that I would stop writing completely. In fact, I pretty much wrote every day…well if we were basing it off the standard time for someone like me, then probably.

I always said my notebook was half my soul, meaning that if it was destroyed, I would most likely automatically enter a vegetative state.

I was ready to head over to Laneia’s place to pick up what I needed, though I had to see what was up with Feron first.

But just as I was about to get out of bed, I felt a force pull me right back.

Obviously, the first thing I felt was shock. But as I eventually got over my initial surprise, my eyes naturally scanned downwards to find what was keeping me from getting up.

Feron…had his arm…wrapped around me.

 _Feron had his arm **wrapped** around me_.

Thoughts began to run through my mind at an alarming rate. Most of them all began with the phrase, _what the fuck?_

I knew that we were both admittedly kind of touchy feely and all that when we were kids doing this kind of thing.

But the thing is...neither of us were kids anymore.

I glanced behind my shoulder to partially see Feron’s face, pressed against the back of my neck, blissfully lost in…whatever dream he was having.

I almost didn’t want to wake him up, especially after seeing how relaxed he looked.

As the moment lingered on, I began feeling something. It felt familiar yet foreign, intriguing yet a little frightening.

But there was no part of me that could pinpoint what that feeling signified.

I was still caught up in my own thoughts when Feron began to wake up. Me, being such an observant and meticulous person, didn’t realize that I was still looking over my shoulder at him.

“Eden? I, uh...you doin’ alright?” Feron asked, slightly confused.

Four things happened at once: I woke up from my daydream, I realized the position I had put myself in, then I proceeded to turn red and avert my eyes in the opposite direction.

I had expected Feron to let go of me when he finally awoke, maybe he did this on accident or something along those lines; but instead, his grip on me remained.

“Yeah...” I murmured quietly. “Feron, your arm...”

It wasn’t until I mentioned it that he realized what he was doing. I expected him to remove his arm within fifty milliseconds, instead, he moved at a casual pace.

In fact, I think I even caught a small breath of disappointment leave his mouth.

The moment I was released from his grip, I turned around so that I was now facing him. My neck would’ve become permanently twisted if I remained in that position for any longer.

“I... why were you hugging me?” I just had to ask.

Feron’s face was facing upwards towards the ceiling, but his eyes were glancing in the direction opposite of where I was laying.

My curiosity began waning out of control.

“I don’t know...maybe it was a little bit of me just wanting to reminisce?” He hesitantly answered. “We always did this kind of...things, you know...in the past.”

Although I didn’t say it out loud, the first thought that crossed my mind was...didn’t that kind of contradict what he said to me last night?

_Yeah but that was when we were still kids though, doing that sort of thing now...don’t you think that’s a little gay?_

“So... that’s how you ended up wanting to cuddle with me?” I questioned.

Feron shrugged, his eyes still refused to meet mine.

“Yeah...I guess so.”

Silence eventually filled the room.

My eyes kept switching between looking at Feron, and then looking at the invisible space that existed right below me. Feron’s eyes remained fixated on the space to his left that he was only interested in so that he wouldn’t have to look at me.

Then for some reason...I just started to laugh lightly.

Surprisingly enough, that was enough to get Feron to finally look at me.

“What’s so funny?” Feron looked confused, which seemed to be a reasonable reaction.

“Being so unbothered that any solution presented to your issue seems acceptable to you?” I snorted. “You really haven’t changed at all haven’t you?”

I expected Feron to blow up or avert his gaze again, instead, his face slowly broke into a smile. He reached over and flicked me in the forehead.

“You haven’t changed in the last decade and you’re trying to say I haven’t changed at all?” He teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him, “yeah, got a problem with that?”

He let out one more laugh before his expression suddenly abruptly averted back and his eyes gradually drifted away. At first, I was afraid that I had accidentally screwed something up. But then I saw him slowly look back at me, and his expression softened.

“I’m sorry for just suddenly deciding to cuddle with you without saying anything,” he apologized. “I promise I won’t do it again.”

The apology hit me out of nowhere, since I wasn’t expecting one.

“No! It’s fine, there’s no need to apologize for something like that,” I wish I could’ve just ended my sentence there, but before I could stop myself, the words came out. “I... kind of enjoyed it.”

By the time I realized that those words had come out of my mouth, it was waaay too late to take it back.

I glanced at Feron, waiting to see how he would take what I just said. The look on his face was something I could only describe as confusion mixed with disbelief.

“Uh, Eden? Did you just say- “

“I didn’t say anything.”

There was nothing I could say or do to make him unlisten to what I had just said. The only thing I could think of doing was turn away from him, which in retrospect, was probably a stupid thing to do after I just said something as outrageous as what I said.

“Did you just say that you enjoyed it?”

If I wasn’t so caught up in trying to appear invisible, I probably would’ve noticed that Feron’s tone had changed.

Instead, I just laid there, waiting for everything to blow over.

For a few moments, nothing happened. I figured that Feron would eventually just get up and we would somehow forget any of this happened.

But then, I felt something warm slowly blanket around my body. Peeking around, I saw Feron in the same position as he was when I woke up.

“Feron...”

“Is it okay if we just stay here like this for a moment longer?” Feron hesitantly asked. “You...said you’re alright with it right?”

I pondered for a moment before nodding slowly.

If I was speaking truthfully, I liked the feeling more than I should have. I had never been in this kind of position before...well, I guess my situation with Feron years and years ago could technically count, but we would always end up in a tangled mess.

This...feeling, or whatever it was called. Everything seemed completely foreign to me.

But strangely enough, I didn’t want it to end.

~

“Make sure to take better care of your stuff alright you idiot?”

Even though I told myself not to fall asleep, both Feron and I did accidentally fall asleep after laying there for longer than we should have. It took us a few minutes to untangle us from each other. After that, I walked him back home and then directly made my way to Laneia’s from where he lived.

“Ouch, don’t hurt my pride like that,” I feigned offense.

“I never realized you had one,” Laneia smirked.

“Okay now that one was mean.”

Thankfully, Laneia was true to her word and did have my journal with her, which she basically threw at me the moment she found out who was at the door.

Lucky for me, I didn’t suffer any major collateral damage, so I’ll probably live.

“So, what was holding you up this morning?” Laneia asked randomly. “Usually when it comes to your weekend schedule, I would’ve expected you to show up a lot earlier.”

I was going to just tell her what had happened. But in the few seconds between her asking me the question and me preparing to answer it, that was already enough for me to hate the idea enough that I just straight up lied.

“I just overslept” I blurted out.

“Yeah, you know what Eden? If you’re planning on bullshitting me like that, then you’re gonna want to think it through beforehand next time,” as expected of Laneia, she easily saw through me. “Now what _actually_ happened?”

“Alright, whatever, you win,” I admitted defeat without even trying to put up a fight. “It was nothing big, I just had Feron over and he stayed for a little too long, so he decided to stay the night.”

Laneia narrowed her eyes at me, “are you sure you’re telling me the whole story?”

I sighed, “there’s no escaping with you isn’t there?”

I finally accepted the fact that Laneia wasn’t going to give in and gave her the details. She listened through the entire thing, letting out a sigh once I finished.

Strangely enough, she didn’t even seem surprised by the situation.

“Well, it seems like nothing has changed,” she muttered.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

She said nothing. Not even a quick retort or some sort of excuse, it was just nothing.

“I think it’s only right for you to repay me for coming clean,” I tried logic-ing it out.

Laneia snorted and subsequently waved off my attempt at loosening her lips, “I don’t think so,” she directly stated. “Besides, I think it’ll be a lot more fun if you found out on your own.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I was getting more and more confused.

“I mean that this experience will be a lot more interesting if you found out what all this meant on your own,” she restated. “Like I said, I don’t think you want any more possible issues to ponder about, right?”

That was something I couldn’t argue again. She was too fucking good.

“Fine, I guess I’ll just let all the answers find their way to me then,” I sarcastically retorted.

“You’ll thank me once it all happens,” Laneia chuckled.

Would I? At the moment, I couldn’t see myself doing that in a million years.

I was still eager to find out what the hell was going on though.

I was just about ready to leave when Laneia suddenly stopped me again.

“Have you been writing a lot lately?” She asked.

“I have a steady routine,” I answered. “Why are you asking?”

“Nothing, it’s just that...” Laneia’s attention seemed to wander off elsewhere for a second before she came back to me. “Lately, you’ve just seemed so distant, a little anxious as well.”

“Laneia, you know what you just described are part of my incurable condition right?” I pointed out.

I caught her slightly rolling her eyes, “yes, I know what you’re talking about, but even Feron agrees with what I’m saying,” she continued. “We’re both aware of what’s going on and we know how you normally operate. But even we think something’s off.”

“Alright?” I shrugged. “What does this have to do with my writing though?”

“You always seem happier when you write. I’m not surprised, it’s always been your way of escaping reality,” Laneia brought up. “I just want to make sure you’re not about to die or suffer a mental breakdown.”

“I appreciate it Laneia,” I smiled. “But I’m fine, and if anything goes wrong, I promise I won’t leave you in the dark.”

Laneia nodded, she tried to smile, but I could tell that her concern was holding her back in more ways than one. We said our goodbyes and that was it. She stopped trying to hold me back to get more information out of me.

But everything I had said to Laneia did make me think a bit.

One specific thought stuck out to me like a sore thumb.

_Was I really okay?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who may be receiving this! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I've posted so far! I'm still relatively new to this but I'm sure I'll be able to learn the ropes as I continue stumbling through all this!  
> In the meantime, my plan is to just post whenever I feel like it (it will be weekly though! That's all I know).  
> If you really want to just read the whole work, I already have the entire thing posted on WattPad, just look up @paranoiaXboi.  
> Also hit me up on my socials if you want! I'm usually an awkward and anxious mess, but I can keep it together sometimes. My Twitter is @paranoiaXboi and my Tumblr is paranoiaXb0i.


	5. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertainty, solace, hope, anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, so I'm pretty sure that it's like the same people that keep giving me hits (other than one new one recently!) and if that's the case, then thank you to whoever you guys are! Like I said, I'm keeping the posting pace on this story more casual than anything. I may do that with my future posts or I may adopt a more consistent system instead, but I won't pry my hair out about it right now. Thank you again to anyone who takes the time to read this!

“Eden, your safety deadline is coming up soon.”

Ms. Diamandis asked me to stay behind again after class today, this time Feron wasn’t around to come up with a bad lie to get me out of it. I was pretty sure that she had stopped me every other day since her phone call to remind me that I still had time to submit a piece if I changed my mind.

I gave the same answer every time she asked me.

_I’m still thinking about it. Just give me a few more days and I’ll have my answer, I promise._

That was the most cliché excuse in the fucking book and I was using it like my life depended on it.

I actually already knew that I wanted to enter into the program, but every time I was about to accept, something inside of me held me back.

“Why do you want me to enter so badly?” I asked instinctively.

Ms. Diamandis seemed intrigued by the question; it was almost like she expected me to know the answer.

I suspected that the answer would be along the lines of “because your writing style is _super_ unique, unlike a lot of the other hotheads in this room who call themselves your classmates.”

Whatever it was teachers said to get specific students to feel motivated: put others down, that always worked.

“It’s actually a little complicated now that I think about it, how should I put it...” her face scrunched up. “Your writing has a very...distinct voice. While some other people in this class may have a wider range in vocabulary or the ability to stretch one sentence into becoming three paragraphs; there’s a tone in your writing that paints a portrait of some who’s barely twenty years into his life, but already a thousand years into his journey in life.”

Her answer caught me off guard, seeing as I was expecting some generic by-the-book answer.

“Wow...uh, did not see that one coming,” I murmured to myself. “When you put it that way, I almost feel like doing it.”

Ms. Diamandis abruptly turned around and retrieved a binder from her drawer. Once I got a better view of it, I saw that there was a tag on it with my name already signed.

“Tell you what, I’ll cut you a deal with you right now,” she proposed. “You obviously haven’t made up your mind yet, so I’ll send over one of your smaller pieces to give them a glimpse of your potential, then I’ll find a way to get them to extend your deadline. In return, you start working on something in the next few weeks that I’ll be able to present to them.”

I was beginning to feel the weight of guilt crush harder against my soul. Ms. Diamandis was willingly throwing more work at herself and it was all because my damn conscious couldn’t make up its mind.

“Alright, I can work with that,” I accepted.

I was sure that had I declined again, that she probably would have died from exasperation, and I would have died from the amount of guilt I was experiencing.

“Excellent! Now do you happen to have anything I can send in on you right now or do I have to wait till another time?” She asked.

I reached into my bag and reached around aimlessly until my hand found what I was looking for: my notebook!

Taking it out, I quickly scanned through the pages, I finally reached some of my latest works after browsing through the pages for a while. I settled on one that I was more satisfied with and ripped out the pages, then I proceeded to hand them off to Ms. Diamandis.

“Thank you, Eden.”

She filed the papers into the binder and placed it back into her drawer.

“I’ll notify you when I get word back,” she promised.

“Thanks, Ms. Diamandis.”

I turned and made my way out of her room.

By now, the halls were already a lot emptier, which made sense since most people always tried to get home as fast as possible when class was over. I removed my notebook from my bag and began flipping through it again.

As I looked through some of the things I wrote, a strange feeling began creeping over me.

“Hello, what do we have here?”

I blinked, and in a second, my notebook had vanished from my hands. I quickly turned my attention to the direction that the voice had come from to see Feron casually looking through it like nothing had just happened.

“Feron, give that back!”

The moment my hand went near the notebook, Feron quickly pulled it out of reach; even though we weren’t too far apart when it came to height, he definitely had better reflexes compared to me.

“So, this was what you were freaking out over that night?” He feigned cluelessness.

I wanted nothing more than to flick off that cheeky grin he had smacked right in the middle of his face. But my attention was occupied in trying to retrieve my precious notebook.

“Feron, I swear to god, if you don’t give me back my fucking notebook right now, I’m gonna resort to using lethal force!” I threatened (but not really).

“Woah, getting a little ahead of ourselves there aren’t we?”

Right as he finished his sentence, his smirk suddenly vanished from his face, prompting the notebook to fall from his grasp and right into my hands.

Looking behind him, I was able to see the culprit.

Laneia had her fist resting snuggly in Feron’s back. Which she withdrew once she saw that her job was done.

“I should have aimed for your head, but I’m pretty sure it would have just fallen off with how light it is.”

Feron chuckled, his other hand was already busy mending the sore spot created by Laneia’s not-so-soft punch.

“Remind me to never get on your bad side.”

“You were never on my good side to begin with.”

Her attention turned towards me. Luckily, it didn’t seem like she intended to bash my head in like she did with Feron.

“I should have known you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off your notebook once you got it back,” Laneia smirked.

“Starting to regret giving it back to me?”

“Eh, maybe a little,” she shrugged. “Anyways, are you two busy right now? I’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the day and I’d rather not spend it all in solitary confinement.”

Feron and I exchanged glances.

“I was just getting prepared to go home, I don’t really have anything left to do for the rest of the day either,” I answered.

“Then I hope you don’t mind a little unannounced visit from yours truly,” she invited herself without even waiting for an invitation. “Actually, I did kind of just announce it so that didn’t seem accurate.”

Laneia continued rambling on about something that I had already lost track of when Feron suddenly butted his way back into the circle by clearing his throat loudly.

“Well, even though I normally don’t like visiting the same house in such a short time span, I suppose I can make an exception,” he said.

“Really? You want to risk an ass whooping from me again?” Laneia sarcastically threatened.

Her baseless threat didn’t get to him, like I expected. Feron had acted as Laneia’s personal punching bag for so long that I think he’d become desensitized to how much her attacks hurt.

“Come on, don’t ruin the moment,” Feron flung his arm around Laneia’s shoulder, which was promptly flicked off by Laneia only seconds later. “Besides, it’s felt like ages since we’ve actually found the time to hang out together at once.”

“Feron...it’s only been like a month.” I pointed out.

He shrugged, “hey, you tell it your way and I’ll tell it my way.”

“Whatever, I suppose I could use some company anyways.”

Even though I acted super nonchalant about it on the outside, I was actually pretty happy about what was going on inside. The weird thing was that I bothered to pretend that I wasn’t excited, but for some reason, something in me drove me to actively keep it hidden.

I think Feron had something to do with it, strangely enough.

“Why don’t we get out of here before Feron tries to pull some other bullshit-type-charm-whatever-technique on us?” Laneia smirked.

“It’s not my fault girls can’t help but like my charm,” Feron bragged.

I listened in on their conversation with a neutral face, ignoring the feeling of my heart skipping a beat when Feron said what he said.

It felt almost like a twinge if jealousy, but what did I have to feel jealous about? That one of my best friends was apparently good at attracting girls into his stead? That sounded more like something Laneia should get upset about...but she’d have an excuse to beat the crap outta him so maybe she would actually like that fact.

The entire walk back home, I almost felt as if I had become an outsider watching the entire scenario happen. It wasn’t like the two had completely abandoned me though, they did continuously ask me if I was okay and why I seemed a little distant, and I kept reiterating that I was fine.

Okay, so I didn’t really feel _that_ fine, if I was completely honest. The only thing I had to worry about was handing over a piece to Ms. Diamandis for that program she kept mentioning.

But part of me felt like something worse was coming...

“Yo, Eden, are you seriously alright? I’ve never seen you this mute before,” Laneia suddenly broke my concentration.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking...about a lot of things...which explains my silence...sort of,” I sounded like I was lying, when I wasn’t.

I started reaching for my keys as we slowly approached my house. But the entire time I was doing it, I could feel their stares burning into my skin. They were both clearly more than a little concerned.

I felt kind of bad that they were getting worked up on my behalf, though I never really shared things that I was unsure of myself.

“Does this have something to do with why you were staring at your notebook after class ended?” Feron hazarded a guess.

I shrugged, “maybe a little.”

We finally reached the front steps, I unlocked the door and let all of us in. Once everyone had entered the house and taken off their shoes, I shut the door and switched on all the lights before walking to my room and tossing my things onto my bed.

Laneia slowly waltzed her way into my room, followed by Feron. The two of them scattered around the place while I sat down in front of my desk.

“Alright, so what is it about your notebook?” Laneia asked.

I was already back looking through my backpack again, it took me only a few seconds to retrieve my notebook from the mess. Flipping through the pages, that feeling became present again.

I felt like I was close to finding the answer, but I just couldn’t place my finger on it.

“I... I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I feel like something’s wrong when I’m reading through it.”

My attention began to close in so much on my notebook that I began to perceive everything else as white noise, though I didn’t seem to be any closer to finding the answers.

“Can I take a look?”

I looked up to see Feron standing next to me.

Part of me was a little hesitant at first, but I eventually handed the notebook over to him. I never really showed my work to anyone, even Feron and Laneia only got small peeks before.

Feron calmly accepted the notebook from my hands and walked over to the bed to join Laneia. The two began slowly browsing my entries. The entire time they were looking through my writing, I could feel the volume of my heartbeats becoming more and more amplified.

It wasn’t really that I couldn’t take other people’s criticism towards my work (okay, maybe a _little_ bit, but only when it came to very specific ones) but more that I was a little worried that my writing sounded stupid.

“These are actually pretty good Eden,” Feron said after a while.

“Oh! Um...thanks”, my face turned a little red.

“I think the only problem so far is that everything I’ve seen doesn’t have an ending,” Laneia commented.

 _Doesn’t have an ending_.

Laneia’s words reverberated through my mind.

Suddenly, without warning, I leaped up from my seat and took the notebook from Feron’s hands...kind of abruptly without saying anything first.

He blinked, “uh...excuse me?”

“Sorry! I just...it’s kind of an emergency,” I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse.

With the notebook back in my possession. I sat back down in front of my desk and began to flip through the pages. Sure enough, after perusing them for only a few seconds, I finally found out what was wrong.

“That’s it! Thank you so much Laneia!”

Laneia frowned, “you’re welcome?”

Feron got up from my bed and walked over while Laneia opted to stay where she was.

“So... what was wrong then?” She asked.

“Nothing has an ending!” I answered.

The two of them exchanged confused glances, “yeah I’m preeetty sure Laneia pointed that out already,” Feron reminded me.

I shook my head, “no, that’s not what I mean,” I continued. “I realized that the reason nothing has an ending was because I always grew more and more dissatisfied with the story; by the time I reached the middle, I always lost motivation to finish it.”

“This is what has been bothering you?” Laneia asked.

“Well, yeah, I guess...” but then I remembered that there was something else I wasn’t telling them. “...oh, and there’s also that program thingy.”

“What?” Feron exclaimed.

“A few days ago, when Laneia came over, I got a call from Ms. Diamandis,” I began. “She told me about this program for young writers that she wanted me to participate in. Technically, the deadline had already passed, but she said that if I was willing to submit a piece, that she’d find a way to help me get it in.”

Then I finally got to the point, “I’ve been hesitant about entering because I’m aware that my self-consciousness always prevents me from actually finishing anything I write,” I explained. “So... yeah, that’s what’s been bothering me.”

At first, there was complete silence in the room, both of were just taking turns looking at each other, and then looking at me.

“Okay, Eden, so why the fuck didn’t you just take the offer and shut up?” Laneia looked like she was about to kill me.

“Couldn’t you phrase it a tad less aggressively?” I questioned.

“No! How could I?” She seemed almost gob smacked. “Eden, this is the kind of opportunity some people dream of, and you threw it away.”

“I did mention that I still have a chance, right?” I quickly made them aware of that fact.

The tension came to a quick halt when I reminded them that.

“How much time do you have?” Feron asked.

“I gave her one of my smaller works to turn in to see if I even have a chance, if I do, I’ll have a few weeks to finish up something bigger,” I answered.

I felt like I had dropped a bomb on a glass ceiling when I answered that question, I expected Laneia to blow up in my face, probably jump up and tell me to get my lazy ass writing or whatever.

But none of that happened.

“Well then, we’re technically standing in your way right now, aren’t we?” Laneia calmly said. “You need your space to concentrate.”

The outcome had been a lot most peaceful than I had initially envisioned it, but the feeling of guilt still managed to find its way into my heart again.

“No! You don’t have to just go; in fact, I think it’ll be good that- “

“I think it would be better if we gave you your space to work too actually,” Feron agreed.

My heart jumped when I suddenly felt something warm wrap around the top of my shoulders.

I could already picture what was going on without even peeking, “Feron, you know people might get the wrong idea if you do that,” I could feel my heart pounding.

“I wouldn’t say _the wrong idea_ necessarily,” Laneia hummed from the distance.

From the angle I was sitting at, I couldn’t get a clear look at Laneia, but I swore that I caught a glimpse of her smirking. Before I could get a better look, I felt Feron moving even closer, which broke any concentration I had going and instead made me feel...something.

“Yeah, but you’ve been my best friend since we were kids so I think an exception can be made,” Feron claimed.

“I know but...we aren’t kids anymore, people are gonna think something else,” I reminded him.

Feron stopped answering for a moment, he began making small sounds like he was pondering something, “funny, isn’t that the same thing you said to me a while ago?” He pointed out. “And wasn’t that right before we ended up sharing your bed together?”

Laneia let out a loud choke while I felt my body temperature rise beyond comprehension.

“What did you just- “

“Shut up Laneia,” Feron interrupted.

From what I could make out, I was able to see Laneia’s shocked expression slowly turn back into a smug smile. She let out a small snicker and stopped commenting.

“Fine, I guess you have a point there,” I admitted defeat.

Feron chuckled before he gently flicked my forehead, “I always get my way.”

“Come on, we should give him some space to work,” Laneia intercepted.

I felt Feron let me go, by the time I turned around, they had already began gathering their things.

While I understood what they were trying to do, a part of me didn’t want all of this to end, everything was perfect and I didn’t want to break the magic right now.

“Are you really sure? I honestly don’t care if you guys stay,” I claimed.

“No, Laneia’s right,” Feron said. “You’re being given an amazing opportunity and you need your space to make sure you get it.”

“Besides, we’ll have plenty of time to spend together once you begin writing bestsellers,” Laneia jokingly said.

“So, you better gather all your concentration and kick everyone’s asses alright?” Feron gently nudged my side.

I laughed, trying to ignore the remaining blob of guilt inside me, “alright, I’ll do my best.”

Laneia smiled, “good, that’s all I need to hear.”

The two of them said their goodbyes before they promptly walked out of my house. I could still feel my guilt settling in, but at the same time I also felt this weird warmth. The fact that they bothered to think of what was at stake for me, it made me feel nice.

I proceeded back to my desk and flipped to a blank page in my notebook. For a few seconds, I just sat there staring at the blank page in front of me. I began pondering what I should write about, but just like the pages, my mind was also blank.

In an attempt to fuel my inspiration, I began looking through some of my other unfinished works. As I read through stories that I wrote months and years ago, I began noticing that they were all stories involving experiences that I have never gone through before. There were stories on mass success, even the meaning of life...love.

That’s when I finally got it.

I flipped back to the blank page, picking up a pencil, I began to write down everything that was materializing in my mind.

_After all, what’s the point in writing when you can’t write about what you’ve gone through first?_

~

“Talk to me.”

Even though I didn’t see Ms. Carey nearly as much as some other people in my life, being in her presence felt a lot more “familiar” when compared to a lot of other people. Maybe because every time I talked to her, it felt like a potentially emotionally scarring moment could happen at any second.

Anyways, I was sure the reason she was looking at me with that sinister grin was probably because I most likely had a huge stupid looking smile stuck on my face. I didn’t even really know why I was smiling with all the shit happening at once in my life.

“Hm?” I had clearly not snapped out of it yet.

“I haven’t seen you this happy in... actually, I’ve never really even seen you happy before, so this is definitely a first,” Ms. Carey stated. “Care to share what’s causing that big smile?”

I pursed my lips, choosing not to make a decision right away.

So, confession time. I had this bad habit (how surprising) when it came to sharing things: I was _really_ picky about who I shared my business with.

All things considered, Ms. Carey’s status should have overruled any sort of guidelines I set for myself in this area, since she _was_ my social worker.

But even that fact didn’t stop me from sometimes hiding things from her.

I was in a good mood today though, so I decided to let her know what was up.

“Well...I’ve been thinking for a while since the last time we spoke, about my future,” I began. “Some opportunities came up and I’ve been writing a lot lately. So, I’ve been feeling in my element.”

“That sounds wonderful, I’m glad you’re beginning to seriously think about your future,” Ms. Carey commented.

If I wasn’t in such a good mood, that slight jab at my priorities probably would’ve stung a lot worse than it did. But could I really blame her? In all the time I’d spent with her, I’d dodged probably 98% of her questions and _never_ wanted to talk seriously about my future.

Ms. Carey reached for her clipboard that was placed near where she was sitting, a gesture I was all too used to seeing by now, “why don’t you tell me what’s going on then? I think the report will be a nice change of pace compared to the ones I’ve been writing the last few times we talked.”

That didn’t sound like a bad idea; in fact, part of me was even excited to talk about something that wasn’t so serious and depressing for a change.

“Well, the other day, I got informed of- “

Before I could finish my thought, the phone on her desk intercepted our conversation. She flashed me a quick smile before she picked it up.

“This is Roselyn.”

I sat there, allowing my eyes to wander wherever they wanted to go. It was only after a few seconds that I realized Ms. Carey kept shooting me glances.

“Can this wait? Tell them I’m in the middle of a session. Huh? It’s important? They won’t take any excuse I give them? Hm... fine,” she handed the phone to me. “Eden? It’s for you.”

I was mostly confused, there were only two people I could think of that would contact me, but I didn’t see either of them calling here for any reason.

“Who is this?” I whispered.

I noticed that Ms. Carey’s expression seemed to have dimmed down a bit compared to before she picked up the phone.

That was _surely_ a good sign.

“It’s one of your extended relatives.”

I felt my insides flare up, and not in a good way. I had more than a few extended relatives, but only a handful of them called me on a semi-regular basis.

Truthfully speaking, I didn’t like any of them.

Okay, there were a few I could at least tolerate talking to. But the rest of them made me want to jump off a building when I was forced to talk to them.

I brought the phone up to my ears, “hello?”

“Eden!? I need to talk to you now! ASAP!”

_That voice..._

I made sure when I sighed, that I only did it internally and not externally. If she had heard me sigh, I probably would’ve gotten stranded on the phone for an extra three hours.

Nyx Lang, my beloved Aunt…her name was cool, I’ll give her that, but that was about where her _good_ qualities ended. Out of all my extended relatives, she was the one that called the most; in fact, the ratio of her calls to all my other relatives would’ve probably been 999 to 1.

It wasn’t that I had an issue keeping in touch with other family members, it was just that her tangents could sometimes make me want to set everything near me on fire.

My biggest annoyance with her was that she LOVED to nitpick at almost anything.

Everyone around me always wrote that off as her way of showing that she cared or whatever. I was willing to believe that for a while; but after a certain point, just being around her felt aggravating.

“Aunt Nyx, whatever can I help you with?” I made sure to use my fakest sweet voice ever.

“Don’t play coy with me Eden, I don’t have time for this bullshit,” she spat.

Another thing, she _always_ said that she didn’t have time for whoever she was talking to. Even though, ironically enough, it was her endless rants that took about an hour to complete, if the person she was talking to was lucky.

“Yes, yes, I apologize profusely. Now what is it?”

“Eden, I’ve been digging around for jobs that may help you achieve financial stability later on in the future, and I think I’ve finally gotten it this time!”

I was ready to hang up the phone. Out of all my relatives, Aunt Nyx had been the most worried about my future since my parents walked out of my life, especially the _financial_ part.

The rest of my relatives expressed worry for my future just enough so that I was _mildly_ annoyed, but Aunt Nyx made sure to worry enough to the point that I was ready to have an emotional breakdown.

“Aunt Nyx, I really appreciate this, but this is seriously unnecessary because I’ve already been handling this situation pretty well myself lately,” I protested.

“Handling yourself? When it comes to your future? Judging from past experiences, the chances of you succeeding at that is equivalent to if bigotry just suddenly vanishes off the face of the planet one day: absolutely impossible.”

 _Ouch_ , that one stung more than it should have.

Aunt Nyx had this problem where she never really believed what the kids of the family said.

Yes, yet another issue I had with her.

I was just about ready to go berserk on her, but she must have sensed it too, because she quickly continued before I could reply to her snarky assumptions.

“Anyways, just shut up for a second and let me tell you what I found,” she said. “I found that there is a highly prestigious director coming to try to find a person suitable to play a role in his next movie!”

“Wow, this sounds great Aunt Nyx, but actually- “

“And get this: the director isn’t just some other foo foo director that was dragged off the street out of pure desperation. This guy has experience, with his help, you could become more than a little successful.”

 _Successful_ , there was that toxic word.

Besides all those other _wonderful_ qualities that I previously mentioned about my extended family, another absurd wish they had was for one of the younger kids in the family to achieve stardom.

They weren’t just talking about moderately famous, noooo, they wanted a star on the same level as Audrey Hepburn and Mariah Carey.

I’m pretty sure there was another side to this baseless dream, and I’m pretty sure it had something to do with money. Which I didn’t understand, considering we were pretty well off compared to other families.

I think since both my parents disappeared; my other relatives were just getting paranoid that anything really could suddenly happen. I don’t think they realized that you didn’t have to become a star to get stable income though.

“This all sounds great Aunt Nyx, but I already have plans of my own. Besides, I don’t really think acting is my thing,” I replied.

“What do you mean acting is not your thing? This isn’t about what is your thing and what is not your thing. This is about the money,” she retorted.

_Aaaand I was right in the end._

“Anyways, you don’t have a choice either way, I already found a way to get your name on the radar. So, you’re going whether you want to or not.”

_Wait, what?_

“Don’t I get a say in this!?” I protested.

“I know you Eden, I already knew that you would have declined before I even finished asking you,” she claimed. “So, I did what was necessary to get you to do what is right.”

She made this sound like some noble act, when I was just wasting my time and occupying a space that could be reserved for someone that most likely wanted it a lot more than me.

It was fucking stupid, but it wasn’t like I really had a choice anymore.

“You will go when the time comes.”

I sighed, “fine.”

“Good, then I expect to hear back from you soon.”

 _Click_ , she killed the line before even giving me a “goodbye” for all the fire she just threw at me.

Once I got off the phone, the smile I had before was long gone.

More importantly, I had lost the desire to talk about what had happened recently...I was pretty sure that I would have to back off on any of my previous plans anyway, especially with Nyx keeping an eye on me.

“Well, that didn’t seem like a very pleasant conversation,” Ms. Carey commented. “You don’t really look like you want to talk anymore anyways, so why don’t we find some other time to finish this up?”

At least Ms. Carey was nice enough not to pry when I pretty much just got my ass handed to me a few seconds ago, I guess she wasn’t that much of an asshole compared to Nyx.

“I think that would be a good idea,” I agreed.

“Then I’ll put this report on the back burner for now,” Ms. Carey promptly shoved her clipboard back into a cabinet. “We can pick up where we left off today some other time.”

I nodded, my energy to respond in any fashion seemed to be dying by the second.

Ms. Carey let me go after I said goodbye, my horrible mood must have been so apparent that even she was able to see it. Although, on the way back home, I did begin contemplating the terrible relationship I had with my other relatives and how we never seemed to find a way to get along.

There was the fact that I barely ever saw them.

But in the end, I think it boiled down to background and such. They lived in a place that was pretty much still stuck in 1901, while I’d been existing in a place that was less confining. Adding on, compared to the rest of my relatives, the morals I was brought up with were far from the conservative and traditional Asian values the rest of them believed in.

Put all those factors together, and you had the perfect formula for a complete clusterfuck.

Dealing with them wasn’t too bad when life was still “normal”. But after hell froze over, they went from just annoying me to literally screwing with my future.

That was crossing the line.

I set a goal when I previously got my motivation to begin writing again: to write at least a bit every day to keep up the momentum.

But by the time I got back home that day, I lacked the motivation to even pick up the pencil.

My anger level rose through the roof.

_I won’t let them win._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who may be receiving this! I'd like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read what I've posted so far! I'm still relatively new to this but I'm sure I'll be able to learn the ropes as I continue stumbling through all this!  
> In the meantime, my plan is to just post whenever I feel like it (it will be weekly though! That's all I know).  
> If you really want to just read the whole work, I already have the entire thing posted on WattPad, just look up @paranoiaXboi.  
> Also hit me up on my socials if you want! I'm usually an awkward and anxious mess, but I can keep it together sometimes. My Twitter is @paranoiaXboi and my Tumblr is paranoiaXb0i.


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